"Although the talent pool of gifted girls is relatively equal to that of gifted boys during the school years, there is a reduction of their numbers at each successive level of schooling and in high-level professional careers."

-Joyce VanTassel-Baska

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BY THIRD GRADE, GIFTED GIRLS begin to go underground. They tend to be socially savvy enough to notice that popularity depends on fitting in, and they often choose the path of least resistance-belonging, rather than becoming the women that they could be.

The quandaries only intensify in middle school. Many gifted girls stop taking mathematics classes when they start wearing make-up. The hold-outs, those who refuse to conform to gender role stereotypes, may pay a high social and emotional price for that decision. While all girls feel the pressure to conform, gifted girls often have an intensified choice between their intellectual interests and their social desires. As the schism grows, girls go underground. Some of them hide to read books that don't interest their peers. Others simply stop reading altogether.

Parents can encourage girls not to shortchange themselves, and can take a proactive role in providing opportunities that the girls might otherwise lack. Nobody wants to be the spinster, the grind, or any of the other labels that have been attached to intellectually oriented girls in the past. Instead, parents can give girls positive role models and encourage bright girls to support each other.

Sometimes, the complexity of a gifted girl's abilities can seem as much obstacle as blessing. As Michelle Bierstedt, president of the Denver Association for Gifted and Talented, explains, "She has so many interests that she has goals of being a life-long learner in many different fields of study"

Helping a gifted girl choose from among her various passions, focusing on a few projects of merit, can be hugely beneficial. To do this work, it's sometimes best to find mentors other than the parents.

Mentoring makes the biggest difference to many gifted girls dose to giving up their dreams. When my daughter began to falter, I surrounded her with other women who could bolster her confidence. She has a whole platoon of women who care about what she thinks and feels. These women also act as role models, since in their own lives they are professionally and personally fulfilled. My daughter's mentors have found happiness as counselors, teachers, corporate lawyers, and writers. She perceives women as people who do what they want in daffy life, because those are the kinds of women she's surrounded with. Best of all, these women are eager to spend time just talking with my daughter, listening to her thoughts about what matters in life. By encouraging her friendships with adult women, I've ensured that she has support. When she has a concern, I may not be the first one to know about it.

In a research study of teaching strategies and their usefulness for gifted children, Karen Rogers, an expert in gifted studies, found that one-to-one mentoring was among the most effective strategies for ensuring that gifted girls retain their learning and succeed in a given subject area. Mentorships increased academic success, socialization, and self-esteem. Robin Rathbun, editor of Family Connection (a journal for Colorado families), says that mentorships also ensure personal connections that provide ongoing positive energy and support.

A mentor may be a concerned teacher or a counselor who is an expert listener. She may be a tutor in a special interest area, or an older girl who shares an enthusiasm for something specific. For example, if a gifted girl is a talented pianist but dislikes practicing, a female college student pianist could visit and play the piano with her. That individual attention can make all the difference.

Every gifted girl needs a couple of women to call in times of trouble or happiness, mentors who will help her gain wisdom and celebrate her intellectual curiosity. Many women are honored to mentor gifted girls, and with time, these mentorships can turn into lifelong friendships.

When a gifted girl feels shy about celebrating her achievements with peers, a mentor can encourage her intellectual growth. I still remember hiding an A+ science test, because most of the class had failed the test and my high grade had set the curve. I felt guilty about everyone else's grades, and didn't want to be singled out for ridicule. My success felt like a burden. Mentors can ensure that intellectual successes receive positive attention.

Of course, many gifted girls get terrible grades in school. In many schools, high achievement is more about following directions than thinking independently. The profoundly gifted girl may balk at achieving good grades, preferring to daydream or create a more meaningful life for herself. Gifted children often reject activities with no intrinsic reward or meaning. Thus, the homework that's redundant or dull may never get done; the assignment that repeats old information may languish on the kitchen counter. It's a mistake to think that giftedness is always connected to achievement.

My sister, a brilliant woman who's now a corporate lawyer, earned mediocre grades in high school, but had a wonderful time socially. Some of those friendships have lasted more than 20 years. Her social savvy told her exactly how far she could go with the grades and still be accepted by her friends. Her own academic turnaround came in college, when she met a mentor who believed in her brilliance. Although my sister is living proof that parents needn't panic if their gifted girl chooses to go underground for a time, it's usually better if they never have to. Parents can find various ways of supporting girls while they reach for their own dreams, including letting them opt out of traditional academic settings.

While going underground can make it difficult for girls to succeed in school, the damage tends to be reversible once the girls receive individual support for their abilities. Ideally, educational programs would identify and serve these girls from kindergarten on (so that hiding their gifts would not be necessary for social inclusion), but we're not there yet.

Gifted girls must be encouraged to find meaning in the work they do. An overemphasis on grades and pleasing others can hamper them from developing their individuality. What matters most is that they learn to think for themselves. And parents can help them with this, and give them the time and space to do it.

Gifted girls can benefit from being together in small groups. Mary Baldwin College in Staunton, Virginia, has a wonderful program for profoundly gifted girls, in which they learn together at an accelerated level. There's peer support for their love of learning. Other programs, such as the Davidson Young Scholars program and the Summer Enrichment Program for Gifted Youth, allow girls to mingle with others who learn quickly and well. Gifted girls also benefit from language immersion at Concordia Language Villages, a collection of Minnesota summer camps that grant a year's foreign language high school credit for a month of camp (see sidebar for more information).

These girls need to be supported in following their own interests, as well as given the time to follow their own bliss. Sometimes that means leaving a traditional school. Michelle Bierstedt's daughter, for one, found that following her bliss meant stepping away from the classroom.

"It was too hard to pursue her studies within the confines of a classroom," Michelle explained. "Even when she sees former classmates, she often feels uncomfortable at their questions about her rapid acceleration. With the introduction of Internet and distance learning centers, former barriers are falling. She can attend courses without ever going into the classroom and dealing with the peer pressures that exist in an advanced class. She can take as many, or as few, classes as she's comfortable with. We've noticed that she cares more about what her work looks like, there is a greater ownership and sense of accomplishment"

Many parents of gifted girls choose to homeschool or to use Internet materials to supplement what the girls are learning. In this way, they can achieve for their own love of learning, without having inappropriate pacing or limits imposed on them.

Unless she has some math-related learning disability, no gifted girl should stop taking math classes until she has at least completed algebra, geometry, and trigonometry. Gifted girls who want to attend college will need some expertise in math.

A study by MaryAnn Varanka-Martin, an AAUW Eleanor Roosevelt fellow and Colorado high school teacher, showed high levels of success in girls-only science classes. The girls worked together and supported one another, unhampered by any need to keep their brains under cover to avoid alienating boys.

The research of Karen Rogers has demonstrated the benefits of cluster grouping, or bringing together gifted students to work at an accelerated level and pace. Girls often need extra support to continue growing in these areas. Providing peer groups and encouraging acceleration can give these girls the opportunity to excel.

Ensuring that girls know about women scientists can counterbalance some of the societal pressures on them. By studying Marie Curie, Sally Ride, Dian Fossey, Mae C. Jemison, Jane Goodall, and other women scientists, girls can come to truly understand that women have the right to own this kind of knowledge.

If a gifted girl must watch television, encourage her to tune in to the Discovery Channel, the History Channel, Nova, and other PBS shows. The images of women presented on most other television programs can make girls feel inferior, humiliated, or angry. The blatant MTV images are easy to avoid, but the more subtle programs can be just as debilitating, with their negative portrayals of what being a woman really means in the world.

We have lived without television for eight years, and as a result, my own 11-year-old daughter hasn't been exposed to most of the violent, victimized depictions of womanhood shown on the small screen. She doesn't have those negative images to combat or reconcile in her own mind, and thus the images she creates through reading and study can become more powerful.

It's very important that gifted girls have enough time to do their own work. Females too often spend large amounts of time pleasing other people by getting good grades, following rules, helping others, etc. In a typical school day, the gifted girl spends eight hours obeying teachers and an additional hour or two obeying coaches. Then she comes home and complies with parental, homework, or other demands. We must give our daughters the time to do things only for themselves.

One way to inspire passionate learning experiences is to suggest to a girl that she and a friend can create a travel adventure, but before they can travel to that country or state they must learn all about it, including its history, geography, foods, and language.

Or turn her loose in a bookstore, and allow her to design an independent reading plan on any subject. My daughter spends half of each weekday in school, and the other half pursuing her own interests at home. Empowering her to make those choices has helped her develop the internal resources she'll need to make her way through life.